I have decided to start this blog for two reasons: one, to reach out to the vast sea of strangeness that is the Internet for help, hope, catharsis, and who knows what else. Secondly, I doubt that my story is really all that unique, aside from a few details, and if there are men and women out there going through the same things, I want them to know they do not suffer alone.
So let's start simple.
I'm a Christian for what I feel are very good reasons. My faith is strong and rooted in an ever-growing reserve of scientific and philosophical evidence. I believe in an absolute standard for morality and truth; that these issues, where they occur, are black and white. If you're seeing shades of gray, I believe you need to get more specific about the issue. And many things that people decide to get polar about aren't even moral issues to begin with. Subjectivity does exist.
I'm a mariner, which is different from a sailor only because I work for a private company instead of the military. I go to sea and live on an oil tanker for two months at a time. I work at least twelve hours every single day I'm there, frequently more and not always at the same times. I am an engineer and the work is challenging, physically and mentally. I like most aspects of this job, but the biggest problem I have with it is the absence from what I consider my Real Life. Which leads me to the last thing you need to know about me.
I'm a husband, and a damn good one most of the time, I think. This is not an accident. I have to try hard and it goes without saying that I make mistakes. Big ones, sometimes. But I make sure to be there for my wife in every way I can, to support, encourage, nurture, and love her. And therein lies my biggest problem, because my wife informed me today - as I was in the airport waiting for the plane that would take me home - that she no longer wants to be married to me. That she didn't really want me to come home.
I know, right? Talk about an A-bomb. Only it really wasn't, since she has basically been preparing me to hear that since we got married. In a way I'm grateful, because if it had come out of left field, I would have had a very public, very embarrassing, and very pathetic breakdown.
What I plan to do is to recount the story of my marriage, such as it has been so far. I will endeavor to do this in a way that achieves the goals I stated above without violating my wife's privacy and without skewing events in any way. Still, be ye forewarned that you enter into a one-sided account. I don't even know how much I'll be able to tell without airing my wife's dirty laundry; that caveat may very well cause this project to fall on its face.
Time will tell. Welcome to the life of a lonely mariner.
